At The End of Questions?

It has been a truly awesome run on this here blog. But the time has come to call it quits - well, to make official a really long vacation anyway - one that began some time ago I think.

Why?

Maybe the answer lies in this one last rant...

I will leave it to those that are interested in knowing to click through and read it...

-=-=-

May 30, 2008 - 7 PM

A truly exhausting week comes finally to a close. Another five days added to five years of being a tiny but productive cogwheel in the engine that is the world economy. Or the rat running to power one at any rate. Life has become something glimpsed fleetingly - the way one would see a distant tree that rushes past the window of the train. Far enough for you to imagine holding it between your thumb and index finger, if only it would stay still.

Don'ta get a me wrongo - I don't say this by way of complaint. Instead it is just one observation in what is a rare opportunity to reflect on what is happening as opposed to being industriously engaged in making it happen and experiencing it as best as possible.

Times like this are rare these days - hey, maybe I grew up?! Or in a more (or less) cynical way to put it, this is the time when all my Maslow needs stand met and the self-actualization is supposed to start. I've even conquered my goddamn existential demons and accepted without necessarily resigning myself to it the fact that there isn't any eternal truth or purpose or some such forthcoming in the near future.

I chuckle now when I read some of the things I've written in the past. About love, life, purpose, experience, philosophy.

Philosophy.

Aah... now there's a word I hardly use these days.

Where are my demons, my questions, my erstwhile best friends and constant companions? A state of zen-like happy nirvana seems to have descended on me and become a glass wall between them and me. I suspect it won't last, but hey - it's stood pretty solid for a year at least!

Three years of geographic separation from all those that kept me company in my raving and ranting seems to have helped it stand too. As has this state of near limbo in all things except thankfully my quest for love (God, even that sounds so cheesy now!). I miss those friends too - not with urgency, but with a quiet sense of ruefullness.

So here we are then.
In this happy place.
Wondering why, one more time.

Good haiku innit?

Let it then be the last word on this blog - for now at least. There are other things to do now. More important things.

Until one day I find a new why, perhaps.

For now I can only promise this - no significant updates expected any time soon, and instead a veil will soon descend, as it must.

Curtains!
Read more...

Nostalgia

Insomnia and Nostalgia are best buds. Together they also make for quite an overwhelming guilt trip. Guilt part one is immediate, for the day that looms. The realization that I may be screwing up the next few mandated hours of productivity. The larger guilt though kicks in when the nostalgia kicks in...

Being 'far from home' as I am, it is incredibly easy to lose touch. To replace the constant chatter of once regular correspondences with white noise. I suppose we've all done it - lose touch even with people that matter.

I can count with the fingers on one hand the number of people I am in touch with of late. I run out of digits fast when I count how many I should be in touch with. Can't really blame it all on geography either - would've been no better I'm sure had I been smack in the middle of things as opposed to far removed from them...

I used to fancy my chances at being labelled 'cynical' or 'world-weary' or some such sophist shit. But never in my darkest broodings had I imagined I would be as cut-off from my friends as I have been lately.

I just shot off a few emails - and I have to start on biographical questions ('where do you live/ work?' 'are you married') with most of my friends! Take that for poignancy!

Anyway... good little faux-Drucker minion that I am, everything starts with a list. So productivity be damned, today I make a list of people to write to, and I take the effort to sit down and write, damn it!

Here's hoping they respond... and that those lines of static come alive with chatter once more.

Peace... out!
Read more...

Incomprehension

I've really been ignoring QQP for these past weeks... Started updating Diwan-E-Flix with some regularity - but that's died down some too. I have at least four movies I want to write about, Definitely Maybe, Juno, The Spiderwick Chronicles, and Gone Baby Gone pending in queue.

Ah well... call it a lean spring thaw.

At any rate... belted out a poem between meetings at work today, so without much further ado:

Incomprehension

One mind, seeking to comprehend; shed light,
On one truth, veiled in shadow and night,
If only the world were so simple; reduced
If one voice from the clamor could me but seduce

Tis a world of many truths, of subtlety; of sleight
A world of many minds, and fancies, in flight
Truth depends on method; forever enslaved
With corpses each path to that grail we paved

Our goal itself is but a glamour; a mirage
That shimmers and changes its elusive visage
Enraptured thus, we live on; proceed
In trials of survival we try and succeed

At this situation I laugh; and sometimes cry
Eloquently wax upon, with a joke or two wry
Forgive me my smugness; this garish deceit
Incomprehension is my only claim to conceit.
Read more...

Announcement: Diwan-E-Flix

I finally got around to doing what I've been planning to do for quite some time now: I started a dedicated blog for my movie reviews. It is called Diwan-E-Flix (clicky!) and will from here on be the home for any movie related rants, movie reviews, etc. that I may have. Soon, the "Books and Movies" label on this blog will change to "Books". And yes, I know the new blog's name is corny. But no, I am not open to suggestions :D

Same as with the current blog, this new one will be available on Blogspot, subscribable via RSS/ Atom feeds in any reader such as Google Reader, has been syndicated, and fully searchable. For your - ahem - convenience, it even looks and navigates similar to this blog, only has a different color scheme. I'm not quite done adding the widgets and scripties to it yet, but the content is done; to get it off to a flying start, I moved all the movie reviews I have ever posted on this blog at any time in the past to this new one. I also added six new reviews to it, so it starts off with 55 posts from day one! These (in chronological order of viewing - well, almost) are:

• The Fountain


• Pan's Labyrinth


• Taare Zameen Par


• The Bucket List


• Breach, and,


• Stardust

Comments, raves, rants, encomiums, messages of hate all welcome as always. No need to hit 'read more' for this post... and I hope you like the new blog!
Read more...

The Lens of Self

I often circle around an obvious thought or idea warily, like a puppy sizing up a grasshopper. I approach it from many angles, name it haltingly, and yet in too many words that make up extremely long and adjective-filled compound sentences. I do sometimes make a worthwhile point, but it gets lost in rants that seem to all be talking about the same thing because, well - they are.

Which is when this blog pays off! Here rumination and analysis ad infinitium, ad nauseum is endlessly possible. And what time for all those activities than the beginning of a brand new year when it is du jour?

The idea that is the object of this post has been bubbling under for years without me fully naming it. Put in its simplest formulation, it looks like a Zen teaching - and probably is - but I like to think I didn't know that when I named it...

Ironically (and the irony will present itself presently), in this post I will state this idea and analyze its precedents... a sort of genealogy of the thought to clue myself in about how it originated. It starts as a "Eureka" moment, and then turns into a remix of many old rants.

So here is that thought I had (in three parts):

ONE: "I look always through the lens of self. I see my world, but not the world. I despair, as I want to understand the world. Then I realize - To truly understand it, I must look at it dispassionately. I must look at it when I am no one; when the lens of self does not modulate my thoughts. Perhaps this is impossible, but I will understand it only when I am able to look at it from from no one's eyes."

TWO: "I emote in a very similar way. I allow emotions to rule me, when I can easily be their master. In the space outside the prison of self, when I look from no one's eyes, emotion is my plaything. A tool, not a constraint. To be 'emotional' is not weak, but it stops me from separating truth and subjective cognition."

THREE: "Because I never clearly understand the world, and live in my own, I am limited. Because I think I cannot help my emotions, I limit myself further. I proceed to slavishly live out a script I write for myself based on my flawed understanding of my world and its 'constraints'. If I could break past these limitations I would live better."

Now that I've written it, I will admit the thought looks like nonsense at the first pass. I could be a more coy or metaphorical with it; ot is certainly the fashion to formulate that thought as a poem or a story about storks or cats or a Monk that Sold his Ferrari or some such. It may've struck you as nothing too earth shattering or new... but to me, it is the most useful original thought I have had in years.

Long before I wrote it I made a habit of applying it to everything - to understanding/ managing relationships; self-development/ career management/ financial planning; philosophy... the whole shebang. It is a valid statement of a part of my approach to life.

What I am marveling at today is just how long it took me to come out and say it!

Part one of the thought started because I was tired of being with myself in some weird way. Given the constant self-analysis and waxing eloquent about myself, I figured I had "me-mania". Then after consciously enduring many rants and anecdotes from many people about themselves and tiring of it I realized every single one of us has it! Everybody's favorite subject is themselves. We just can't stop talking about it!

So I said in September 2005 I wrote a somewhat erudite post called The Argus Imperative. A quote:

"You are unlikely to meet a snail that drawls on and on about how gooey or shiny or slow or drawly them snails are; even when they are called something stylish like "escargot" by the Spanish. You are unlikelier to find a civilized Spanish snail saying this because in all likelihood, the only civilized Spanish snails you meet will be dead appetizers or main courses in a casa somewhere!

Us humans though, are a different story. We do like to go on and on and on about ourselves."

When we hear anything, our first reaction is to relate it to an anecdote from our own lives. We go to great lengths to do this - we stoop to lying and fabricating said anecdotes if we have to. In February 2007, that thread of thought came out again in a philosophical rant on this blog called A Challenged Hubris starting with these words:

"Who does not at one time or another in his life imagine himself to be the center of all existence? Who has not shut his or her eyes to pretend at being invisible? Who has not shut themselves away from the world hoping it would change - or stay as it is? Who has not deemed him or herself the most fortunate or unfortunate, happiest or most wretched of creatures on the face of the earth?

It is an unavoidable result of having to interact with the world at large through the lens of one's own consciousness. The one who is proud and exalts in himself will view himself as a hero; the one who is not will view himself as a victim. The vast majority will oscillate between one and the other, and to a multitude of degrees. Funnily enough, in their own place their myriad beliefs will be justified... For what heroic deed will the proud man know better than one he himself performs? And what misery will be more intimate to the ever-suffering man than the misery he feels in his own heart?"

That post drifted far away from where it might have gone. As it is wont to do :)

Part two of the thought also has very old antecedents, going back as far as April 2005 when in a post titled Depression, I said:

"Kinda makes me wonder... is all emotion a form of entertainment? Shakespeare said "all the world is a stage"... does all emotion consist of us entertaining ourselves...? Oh wait... that could be another post I sense coming... but enough rambling for now."

That post actually kicked off a huge (and ultimately unfinished) thread of thought I called my Convoluted Theory of Control and ran for many posts.

Part three of the thought was documented in another post called Life Stories, in June 2007 that said:

"While most of the time in life I have no idea what the heck I am up to, I can think back to instances in the past where I felt compelled to act a certain way because that's what I visualized/ directed myself into doing. In hindsight, these times felt very much like a method acting assignment - for instance, when I experienced my first break-up, or when I was dealing with a debilitating illness, or even when I chose my career path (or what little of it I did actively choose).

There are so many good and bad things about living that way... optimists will have good scripts to adhere to, pessimists will have bad. (As I will mention again later, agnostics are unable to have one)."

Anyway... I am sick of retrospecting and introspecting and talking about myself now. So want to end on a light note - one of my favorite poems called Curse of the Medulla Oblongata, which has the origins of that central idea... summed up succinctly as "Look, don't peep" :D

Darn I love this blog! :)

Peace... Out!
Read more...

2007 Is Done

It's a wrap - again!

Another year in the can (well, almost); a more eventful year than the last. It was an inflexion year with major decisions and changes, enriching experiences, and a bit of growing up. This post is a retrospective of what I blogged about, what was new with me (and for me) this year, and the movies/ books/ TV/ games etc. I indulged in. It concludes with a pick for my personal favorite post of the year on the blog.

I do this for my own benefit (started last year) because the blog has been turning into a very good way of tracking life. It offers a pensieve to dump thoughts in, and appeals to the obsessive archivist that lurks within me - yes, the same guy who never deletes an email!

So let's get right to it...!

The Blog

My blogging frequency took something of a hit in the solar plexus this year - the downward trend continued. I blogged at about 76% of what I managed in 2006 (counting this post, and one other I have planned for before Monday the 31st)... Which isn't that bad considering I took a hiatus from blogging between Jun 30 and Oct 14 (about 105 days). What is weird is that Jun - Oct was a lean blogging season last year too, albeit for different reasons.

In content, the blog has drifted very far away from philosophy and has become more of a movie review site, particularly in the last month. Gone are the vague and angsty posts and poems that had become a morbid signature of sorts. I injected a couple of new labels and genres for posts this year, and began to be more varied in what I chose to blog about. The title is in dire need of revision because of all this methinks; I have no concrete ideas as yet, but it certainly isn't only about philosophical meanderings any more - hasn't been for some time now.

On the horizon for 2008 therefore is a blog rename, and some restructuring/ a revamp as well (my last revamp was a year ago). I have also recently decided to open the blog up to guest writers starting with Kirti, with perhaps introducing one or two more later... haven't worked out the details, but watch this space.

What's Up?

Two trips to India this year - the first turned into a real whirlwind as I met and fell in love with Kirti. The second proved to be quite a ride as well, including an elaborate wedding (a harrowing Kafka-esque tale that will never be told!). We were married and then simulated brownian motion across three continents and four countries, over four months. We managed to honeymoon, work in Hyderabad, come to Buffalo, move to a new apartment, and (finally) start a blissful married life.

This year I/ we did a few things I/ we had never done before (in chronological order):

• Wrote a quite comprehensive "So You'd Like To" guide on Amazon.com - the thrill in this is that it shows up quite consistently in Google search results :)


• Became a 'We'


• Visited Mauritius, Canada


• Took up Golf in a small way


• Started learning Spanish


• Bought a car

An above average year most certainly.

Movies

We saw a mind-boggling number of movies this year, and went a little crazy on Netflix. Also kicked off the "Geekify Kirti" campaign which she enthusiastically supported. A full retrospective is available in my last post. The number has grown by one, to 112 since I wrote that post; we watched Darren Aronofsky's "The Fountain" last night... Kirti may post a review as her first guest post shortly.

Books

I read about 20 new books this year, which doesn't come close to the 45+ from last year, but is about my annually average. 2003 - 2005 were poor years for me because I let the new jo and traveling to the US etc. get in the way of reading. At least this year I managed to keep the numbers (and quality) up! I also reread a HUGE number of books, which would probably double the number of books perused/ read. Most of these were fantasy literature, but I also managed to muck through a couple of bestsellers. Watch this space for a detailed "My Year in Books" post, with which I hope to post a Books DB to go with my movie DB before the weekend is done.

Writing

This year was not very productive for my writing. Mainly because, as already mentioned, the blog was not active for some time. I managed to get a couple of things out; a standalone short story, some poetry and a couple of essays. 2008 will hopefully be more productive.

Television

TV was dead this year. Studio 60 got cancelled, and then I really never got time to follow any series. It didn't help that Kirti is as anti-telly as anyone I have met. Over her vitriolic protests, I did institutionalize the practice of watching the Sunday morning political shows ("Meet the Press" and "This Week") in the wake of the 2008 US Presidential campaign, but you can't call that entertainment!

We liked "Top Chef" and "Project Runway" on Bravo... nice to see reality series that require the contestants to be technically good at something. The writers strike meant In the closing days of the year there really wasn't much to watch - but I did discover "Two and a Half Men" reruns endearing in the way only sitcoms can be... may watch that regularly now.

Gaming

Other than finishing Halo and Halo 2 (and drooling about Halo 3), I didn't do much gaming this year. Vikram got me started on Command and Conquer: Tiberium Wars for a bit, but that died in its infancy. Never got around to buying either a XBox 360 (Halo 3, Assassin's Creed, Quake 4, and Mass Effect beckon) or a Nintendo Wii (Mario Galaxy astonishes)...

At this point I don't know if I ever will. Gaming may very well be dead; collateral damage from the nuptials.

Career

Professionally, this was the year I made the transition from Testing to Business Analysis, and am so far liking what I get to do. No future plans of any concrete nature (of course) but that might just have to change early next year.

I care so little about this, I amaze myself... :D

Best Post of the Year

Now this is a real pickle. I like several. But a look at my previous picks makes things a bit easier. So here we are:

(drumroll)

2007 - Pax Americana/ A Revolution Reloaded

Yes - it is a tie. The first was easily the most popular and well-liked post this year. It and its two sequels - Pax Americana: Omens for the 21st century, and Flux Indica were a long time in the making and presented some cathartic opportunities to gain insight/ clarity on things I cared about. The second is easily the deepest analysis I have done on a movie, and because the movies in question are so dear to me, I found it very satisfying. Both are analytical works, and rational and analytical is what I was for most of this year - not a year for weird flights of fancy or angst.

Other posts I liked were a couple that were potentially useful to the audience (for once!) such as my movie database, the already mentioned So You'd Like to guide, and some timely movie reviews.

To close, here are the 'best posts' from past years for those that would like to read them.

2004 - Truth, Bliss, and an Epicure
2005 - Age of Bittersweet
2006 - Afterglow

Conclusion

If 2006 was the lazy, indulgent year of the imaginutton, this would be the somewhat frantic year of the omnivore. I am less conflicted, a lot happier, but just as clueless about the long term plans that everyone seems to obsess about.

Bring on 2008...

Happy New Year Everyone!

Peace... Out!
Read more...

My Year In Movies - 2007

This is a followup to a similar post just about a year ago, also called My Year In Movies. 2007 was almost entirely a year in movies for me. I've seen at least 39 movies in the theatre this year, Hindi and English included. Add to that about 52 DVD rentals from Netflix and at least 20 movies caught on the Internet or on the Telly. And we have a grand total of 111 movies devoured in under 365 days.

So without much further ado, let us jump to the best of the year...

This year was particularly good for movie viewing. Here are the ones released this year that I really loved. They are in chronological order of release, and links lead to full reviews I have posted for them on this blog before:

1. The Namesake - A very nicely told, layered tale of identity crises - personal and ethnic. I liked this movie so much, I didn't read the book, in case the movie spoilt it! This doesn't happen often...


2. 300 - This movie is like a bhaja (a fritter). Several parts action, stunning visual effects, ambitious plot, a cast of Adonis wannabes, and deep fried in testosterone. One of the best war/ fantasy films ever made.


3. Cheeni Kum - Amitabh Bachchan shines as always, but what makes this movie really good is the unconventional storyline and delightful characterization. It is well made but drags badly toward the end. Still, above average hindi movie.


4. Ratatouille - Pixar did it again! This is a warm, fuzzy tail... er... tale of chefs and cooking... Like The Incredibles, this is another argument against the celebration of mediocrity in children's fare. Wonderful!


5. Transformers - ALL HAIL MEGATRON! :) My geek-out of the year. The epitome of summer blockbusters. It defies one line description, but 'fanboy wet-dream' is as good as any. Dang - I should've written a glowing review for it here.


6. The Bourne Ultimatum - One of the few movies I don't resent for completely disregarding the book that is the source material. Ludlum's novel was mediocre at best, but this movie is just the best movie of its kind since the first Mission: Impossible.


7. Michael Clayton - Recently reviewed on this blog, and a contendor for any all time movie hall-of-fame, not just for a best of 2007 list.


8. American Gangster - The best crime movie made since Coppola and Scorsese stopped being gods.


9. I am Legend - A good, solid movie, and Will Smith's best performance ever. Adieu, Agent J. Allo, Allo, Robert Neville! C'est la vie.


10. Charlie Wilson's War - The most intelligent commentary on the situation in Afghanistan in recent times. Very good indeed.

Well whaddaya know! I ended up with a top ten list without meaning to list ten movies.

So... moving on now to the 'almost made it' category... these were movies that entertained/ touched me, but weren't worthy of immortality. Also listed in chronological order... catch these of TV/ DVD if you have nothing better to do

1. Music and Lyrics - A typical romantic comedy. If you like Hugh Grant, you'll like this movie.


2. TMNT - The geeks like turtles. What can I say?


3. Meet the Robinsons - Decent animated time travel/ kiddie fiction, with a few really funny moments. Look for "Master - I have a big head, and little hands". :)


4. Death-proof - Do not watch the other half of Grindhouse, upon pain of death. But this movie is a pretty nice action thriller from Quentin Tarantino.


5. In the Land of Women - This is a weird movie, but managed to score a few points on the chick-flickometer


6. Life in a Metro - It was good to see a hindi movie that takes chances with the storyline. Also good to see an Indian film-maker use the converging storylines plot device to good effect. But the subject matter left me a little unimpressed. This is no "Crash"... but it isn't a bad movie.


7. Pirates Of the Caribbean: At World's End - This wasn't a bad movie, but it was an immense let down. "Dead Man's Chest" was one of the best movies of 2006, and had a tremendous "Empire Strikes Back" style cliffhanger ending. "At World's End" squanders that immense opportunity by being too all over the place with its plot, and unnecessary convolutions in the story. I liked the end though...


8. Ocean's Thirteen - Danny Ocean redeems himself with a posse devoid of the fairer sex. Not as good as Eleven, not as 'orrible as Twelve.


9. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - Good wholesome superhero flick. The Silver Surfer rules all four 'fantastics' and the wishy washy Doom.


10. A Mighty Heart - Average movie, gets a bit confused about what its trying to say, but worth a watch.


11. Live Free of Die Hard - I don't know why this movie got dumped on so badly. It isn't all that horrible... It is not a 'Die Hard' movie, but it isn't bad for a brainless action flick.


12. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - This movie just failed to impress me - plus it was an adaptation of a source I would at best call mediocre source. This is easily the worst book of the Harry Potter series... and I hope it will be the worst of the movies.


13. Gandhi, My Father - A nice take on material previously explored by a book and a Marathi play. I had liked the play better, but kudos to the production team for making a good movie.


14. Chak De India - Many people told me this movie was completely fresh and new. It struck me however, as a well made portmanteau of any number of English sports movies. It is immensely enjoyable, and very well made... but didn't impress me enough to make my hall of fame. Maybe its my aversion to sports :)


15. The Kingdom - Good gritty action movie set in Saudi Arabia. Scores points because they toned down the jingoism and 'yo-joe' heroism.


16. Elizabeth: The Golden Age - I wish this movie had been as intriguing as the first movie. As it turns out, there is only one intriguing plot-point, and the rest is mediocre fare. Worth a watch though.


17. National Treasure: Book of Secrets - Amusing in the way kids playing at war are amusing. An entertaining marriage of Indiana Jones, the Da Vinci Code, and (of all things) Jerry Bruckheimer... hmm...

And then there are the disasters. Movies that should never have been made or whose makers deserve a severe upbraiding.

1. Smokin' Aces - A supposed action-comedy... this movie leaves just totally sucks. It is so bad, I wouldn't use the reel for toilet paper.


2. Next - I like a good prophecy yarn, but the ending of this movie just left me thinking "WTF?". Pure, unadulterated, crap.


3. Spiderman 3 - So, so, so, so, so, so very disappointing. Sam Raimi should've known better. Easily the biggest disappointment of the year.


4. Shrek The Third - This movie was the second biggest disappointment of the year. It is obvious that Dreamworks now views the once spunky and cheeky Shrek franchise as, well, a franchise. A cash cow. Grr.


5. Rush Hour 3 - Is there something about being a third movie that makes movies bad? An ageing martial artist and too much of an irritating loudmouth do not a funny movie make.


6. The Golden Compass- This flawed movie was just heartbreaking. I say again what I said in my review - it felt like a hastily made RPG.

And finally, movies I wanted to see, but never got around to seeing... in spite of being such a movie hound. These will be on my Netflix queue:

1. Black Friday
2. Breach
3. Knocked Up
4. The Simpson's Movie
5. Stardust
6. Superbad
7. 3:10 to Yuma
8. Across the Universe
9. Johnny Gaddar
10. Bhool Bhulaiyya
11. Gone, Baby, Gone
12. No Country For Old Men
13. Lions for Lambs
14. The Kite Runner

Hmm... so plenty seen, plenty left to see...

Peace... Out!
Read more...