On bitterness

As we go through life, growing up, making and breaking friends, making mistakes, learning lessons, having fun, feeling sorrow, et al. why do we inevitably turn bitter? (Go ask Hemingway!) I got in touch with this gigantic bitter core of me in the course of the night... through a sort of "comparing notes" conversation with a friend...

Cynicism is too mild a word to describe what I was feeling. I didn't so much indulge in the bitterness as I analyzed it - a sort of resigned, passive, "death is the answer" attitude coexists with an almost beatific peace in me, and they make for a heady cocktail...

I wonder if all the let-down's and the pull-up's in life are cumulative... and then whichever sum is the greater on a given day, you go with the flow. Of late, and with alarming frequency for me, the let-down's seem to be winning.